Of course I didn't (I don't think). That was just a tease to get you to read my blog.
Elections in South Carolina are always fun but this year's primary has been a riot.
Take the Republican race for Governor. Nikki Haley was leading in the polls when two men, one a political blogger with a shady reputation and the other a former campaign consultant for an opposing candidate, claimed to have had an adulterous relationship with her. She denied it and most people believe her. She still has a 20 point lead in the polls. Sarah Palin is standing by her endorsement as is Jenny Sanford, the ex-wife of our current Republican Governor who was caught doing the 'tween-the-sheets tango with his Argentinian soul mate in Buenos Aries.
Gresham Barrett will most likely get enough votes to force a runoff election with Nikki later this month. As far as I know no one has claimed to have had an inappropriate sexual relationship with him but he was endorsed by Dick Cheney so I'm hoping that there's a really good story behind that. Barrett thinks the Arizona immigration law is such a good idea that South Carolina should have one. Of course since the state has a high unemployment rate, Barrett has to blame someone.
Henry McMaster, our current Attorney General, defended the Town of Great Falls in federal court when it was sued by a Wiccan and the ACLU because the town council insisted on praying "in Jesus' name" at its meetings. He and the town lost. As expected, the Supremes declined to hear the case. Later McMaster defended the State, as AG, after it was sued when the Legislature approved a license plate that said "I Believe" and had a cross superimposed on a stained glass window. He lost that one, too, and the judge issued one of the better scathing opinions that I've ever read, aimed not only at McMaster but also at Andre Bauer (more about him next). Now either Henry is a really bad lawyer or he likes to pander for votes with taxpayer money. In the end it doesn't matter. He won't be in a possible runoff and come January he'll no longer be Attorney General.
Last, and certainly least, is our Governor Lite, Andre "I can't drive 55" Bauer. The only good thing I can say about Andre is that as Lt. Governor he had very little to do and he did it very well. This weekend he took a lie detector test to prove that he is alive. Results pending. If you think of the election tomorrow as a horse race, Andre will finish out of the money.
The fun doesn't stop there. Several months before the Nikki Haley-Will Folks-The Other Guy stories broke someone discovered that Richard Eckstrom, our incumbent Comptroller General who is running for re-election, had had an affair with Kelly Payne, a former teacher and current GOP candidate for Superintendent of Education. Payne is divorced but a big deal was made of the fact that Eckstrom, even though separated and living apart from his wife for the last two years, is, nevertheless, still married. If the story is true I have to admire Eckstrom. He's 61, balding, and yet he slept with an attractive 40-year old woman. I'm 61, have all of my hair, and yet I sleep with Champ. (Get your minds out of the gutter. Yes, we like to cuddle for a few minutes but when I turn out the light he goes to the end of the bed and stays there until morning.)
So far the Democrats haven't been as entertaining as the Republicans have been. That's probably because there aren't that many Democrats willing to pay the filing fee when they know that they will lose. But that doesn't mean that there isn't a story or two.
I've lived in South Carolina for 25 years and Ben Frasier was running as a Democrat for public office long before I got here. This year he is running again for the U.S. House District 1 seat. He rarely makes public appearances during a campaign, but at least we know he exits.
Not so with Alvin Greene, Democratic candidate for the US Senate. According to the blog Wolfe Report, Alvin is unemployed and lives with his dad but he somehow came up with the $10,400 filing fee needed to run in the primary. Since then he hasn't been seen or heard from except for one enigmatic phone call. He hasn't made any campaign appearances, raised any campaign money, filed any campaign finance reports or put out any yard signs. (Alvin, if you read this, I want a yard sign. I can sell it on eBay the day after the election and split the money with you). It's possible that someone paid Alvin to enter the race in order to steal votes away from Vic Rawl, the other Democratic candidate, but why? Vic has no hope of winning in November. (Of course, the Democrats didn't have a chance of winning in 1972 but that didn't stop the Nixon White House from breaking into the Watergate.) I'm hoping that Alvin is someone's dog and that he was entered into the race to make a point and it was done without a background check.
One last thing. Make sure you buy your lottery tickets tonight. For some reason you can't buy them on Election Day. Was the Legislature worried that you'd buy votes with scratch-off tickets? Fortunately the liquor stores will be open so you can still buy votes with half-pints of Old Jockey Shorts.
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