Notoriously Nice ®

Champ Semaphore

You can read Champ by watching his ears.

Treat?

I thought I was getting that treat.

I swear I didn't do it. Do I still get the treat?

I watched something amazing this morning

As I’ve mentioned before on Facebook, Chuck Norris is a hummingbird that sits in my willow oak tree all day, every day guarding the feeder under the tree. If another hummer tries to feed, Chuck swoops down and chases it away. This morning another hummer, I’ll call it Sylvester Stallone, evidently decided it didn’t want to put up with Chuck’s shit any longer. Sly landed on the feeder, Chuck attacked, and that started an epic air battle that lasted almost 30 minutes. If you’ve seen film of the dogfights that took place between British and German fighters during the Battle of Britain then you know what this battle looked like except that it went at 100x speed and in a small space. They fought a few inches over the feeder and then would rise high up into the branches of the 50’ willow oak. If Sly thought he had the advantage he’d swoop down to the feeder only to have Chuck attack with the sun at his back so he couldn’t be seen until it was too late. At one point both Chuck and Sly landed on opposite sides of the feeder to take a few sips of the hummingbird equivalent of Red Bull before resuming the battle. Another time they locked together, lost lift, and fell to the ground before disengaging. In the end Sly said no mas and flew away. Chuck resumed his lookout position in the tree.

If you are wondering how I can tell, from my deck, which bird was Chuck and which was Sly, that’s easy. Chuck is tiny, as hummingbirds go. Sly wasn’t.

You never want to hear your barber say, "Oh My God!"

I went to the barber shop to get my usual haircut. #4 clipper all over, neaten the sides and back. I had my eyes closed to keep stray hair from blowing in them and that's when I heard the young lady cutting my hair say what I never wanted to hear. The #4 blade guard had fallen off of the clipper, which proceeded to shave a 5" long, 2" wide swath across the top of my head from back-to-front. Where there should have been 1/2" long hair there was 1 mm long hair, and lots of white skin. Once the shock wore off I knew that there was nothing left to do except to have her shave my whole head.

I don't plan on wearing a hat when I go out. It's not a good look for me but it's hair. It will grow back to a less silly length in a few weeks. I should probably go out in the sun for 10 or 15 minutes a day until I get at least a little tan up there. If I need to be out for longer than that I'll spray on some sunscreen.

She didn't charge me for the haircut, not that I would have paid if she'd tried. But I will be looking for a new barber shop.

Here's the money shot:

It's too bad no one was around to hold the camera.

I hooked Champ to his leash and we went outside. As we rounded the house into the backyard he saw three ducks under the bird feeder and lunged after them, like he always does. Except this time his leash snapped in the middle and it was off to the races. The ducks made one lap around the yard with Champ in close pursuit before they headed for the lake. I heard four splashes. Duck, duck, duck, Champ.

The lake in this summer heat is stagnant, fetid, and scum-covered. To make it even worse, when Champ finally came out he had to crawl on his belly up a steep, muddy bank.

When Champ breaks free like that he has no incentive to let me catch him so I ran inside and got his Puperonis. He knew something was up and I had to lunge for his collar a few times before I managed to grab it. He fought hard, twisting and turning, as I turned on the hose and rinsed as much of the muck off of him as I could.

When I got him into the kitchen I dried him off as well as I could but he was dripping dirty water onto the floor so our next stop was the bathtub. Lifting a 70 lb squirming, kicking dog into a bathtub isn't fun. Keeping him there while you soak, soap, and rinse him is even harder. Four bath towels later and he was dry enough to let loose in the house.

Now I need to wash six bath towels and the clothes I was wearing, clean the bathtub, mop the kitchen and bathroom floors, and wash the top sheet on my bed (he hopped up on the bed before I could get him into the tub). After that I'll shower.

Then it's off to Petsmart to see if they have a leash that's reinforced with steel like the sidewalls on a tire.

Going retro

When I was a kid we had a Dazey ice crusher in the kitchen. It was attached to the cabinet next to the back door. I have no idea what happened to it. Mom probably sold it in a yard sale.

I bought this one on eBay for cheap. As far as I know it’s the one we used to own.

It certainly looks like it.

Why do I love the Dazey ice crusher? It makes better crushed ice than an electric model could. Nothing will cool you off quicker from the summer heat than a tall glass of crushed ice and a spoon.

 

Memes survived their 15 minutes?

I stole this from Carly because it's about food.

A: is for Apple, what’s your favorite variety?

For fresh I like apples that are slighter sweeter than tart. Gala and Fuji are two varieties that come to mind. For cooking? Anything with Rome in the name. Rome, Red Rome, Rome Beauty. They hold up well when baked.

B: is for Bread, regardless of nutrition, calories, or whole grains what is your favorite type to have a nice big piece of?

Salt rising. It’s a Kentucky thing. I buy it whenever I’m there. I still have half a loaf left from my last visit. God intended it be eaten one way - toasted and slathered with butter.

C: is for Cereal what is your favorite kind currently (just one!)

Oatmeal. Steel-cut or rolled. Doesn’t matter. The texture is different but the nutrition is the same.

D: is for Doughnuts, you might not currently be eating them but what kind do you fancy?

Krispy Kreme, still warm from the fryer.

E: is for Eggs, how would you like yours prepared?

Fried, scrambled, poached, soft boiled.

F: is for Fat Free, what is your favorite fat free product?

Yogurt. I have one every morning.

G: is for Groceries, where do you purchase yours at?

Walmart for the staples. Bi-Lo, Publix, and the Pig for anything Walmart doesn’t have. Earth Fare if I’m down that way. I’d go to Whole Foods if it was on the west side of town.

H: is for Hot Beverages, what is your favorite hot drink?

Tea. PG Tips or Typhoo. Two cups to start my day. More later if I need the bump.

I: is for Ice Cream, pick a favorite flavor and add a fun topping.

Chocolate. No topping needed.

J: is for Jams or Jellies, do you eat them, and if so what kind and flavor?

Tart. Thick-cut marmalade or red currant.

K: is for Kashi, name your favorite Kashi product?

Honey Toasted Oat. Cherrios with a cachet.

L: is for Lunch, what was yours today?

I haven’t fixed lunch yet.

M: is for microwave, what is your favorite microwave meal/snack?

Healthy Choice®

N: is for nutrients, do you like carbs, fats, or proteins best?

I tend to watch the fat and sodium content more than carbs or protein.

O: is for oil, what kind do you like to use?

It depends on the use. Olive or canola.

P: is for protein, how do you get yours?

Beans and lentils!

Q: is for Quaker, how do you like your oats?

I covered this back at C.

R: is for roasting, what is your favorite thing to roast?

Delmonico roast (aka rib eye roast). Rare.

S: is for sandwich, what’s your favorite kind?

It’s tempting to say anything with bacon but really it’s roast pork or lamb on white bread with Durkee sauce.

T: is for travel, how do you handle eating while traveling?

One reason I travel is to eat in great restaurants!

U: is for unique, what is one of your weirdest food combos?

Coming up dry on this one. Your idea of weird may be my idea of yum.

V: is for vitamins, what kind do you take?

Several. At my age I’m hoping they will make up for a life misspent.

W: is for wasabi, yay or nay?

In small amounts. If I want bold I usually reach for the Texas Pete.

X: is for XC Foodie, why is she so awesome?

Who? Seriously, who?

Y: is for youth, what food reminds you of your childhood?

There are so many. Green beans cooked until they are dead, hot browns, country ham, soft boiled eggs on toast that Mom made me when I wasn’t feeling well...

Z: is for zucchini, how do you prepare it?

Zucchini is the vegetable that every gardener has too much of and doesn’t know what to do with it.  It’s a filler that tastes like whatever you cook it with. My favorite way to prepare it is to toss it on the compost pile.

 

Where is a 5-year old computer whiz when you need one?

Because Amazon refuses to believe that I have Firefox 4.0 on my laptop (or any browser as it turns out) I downloaded the new Lady Gaga album to my old laptop in the office. From there I could sync it with my iPad and Touch. After all iTunes is iTunes, right? Wrong.

When I plugged in my Touch (and iPad) I got this message - “The iPod (iPad) cannot be used because it requires iTunes 10.1 or later. Go to www.itunes.com to download the latest version of iTunes.”

I had nothing better to do so I went to itunes.com and downloaded iTunes 10.2.2. Easy peasy. Except that when I tried to install 10.2.2 I got this message - “Cannot Open ‘Install itunes.pkg’. This package type requires Mac OS X 10.5. OK?”

No, not OK. The old laptop is running Tiger 10.4.11 and no matter if you continue to support it or not, Steve, it does what I need it to do. Except this.

So for now Lady Gaga is in the office, doing stretching exercises, and hoping to be heard in the rest of the house.

Any suggestions on how to get out of this update Catch 22?

The world will start ending 8 hours from now in Kiribati.

Kiribati. You still have time. Time for what? Beats me but I have lots of beer in the fridge.

Tick Tock

It's now tomorrow in all of Australia and much of east Asia. Have you bought your beer yet?

The countdown continues

It's now tomorrow in New Zealand.