I could have been doing lots of productive things while waiting in airports today but, instead, I tried to see how many haikus I could write from the subject lines of the 239 spam emails I'd received in the previous 24 hours. I've seen others do this before but they all used parts of the subject lines. Figuring that that was too easy, the rules I set for myself said that I had to use the entire line, unedited, and that the haiku had to make some sort of sense even to the least-swift reader (which is more than can be said for some real haikus). Punctuation and capitalization are as they appeared in my inbox. If a subject line didn't end in a period, I added one for clarity. The results range from OK to hilarious. Starting with the OKs and progressing to the hilarious:
Creditors calling.
Get your online degree now!
Improve your earnings!
You are paying too
much for Auto Insurance.
Your car can help you.
Learn the different
kinds of friends. Are they watching?
This guy is crazy.
Hi Mike. Wow, I found
you. Are you single? I know
someone who likes you.
My webcam will be
on tonight. Great Stuff. Change your
love life forever.
horny office babes.
Mike, I am available.
no more nights alone.
The runner-up is:
Find sexy singles
in your area. Save on
all your pet care needs.
And today's winner is:
Get Your FREE Condoms
Here! Your antidepressant
with no side effects.
These are great, Mike. Makes me want to shut off my spam filters just for the entertainment value.
Posted by: Snowball | October 21, 2003 at 10:37 AM
GREAT POST! It is really re"dick"ulous what they send and I never open. I don't think "they" know who is not reading and deleting. What a waste of time. I am for a bill to "slam-em". Even if I have to pay 2 cents a day to "who-ever" it would be worth it not to delete/delete! Check out this post by stupidangrycanajun; it is almost a duplicate of yours. http://stupidangrycanajun.typepad.com/sac/2003/10/deleted_dozen.html We are all in the same internet boat me-sinks(oops thinks) :-)
Posted by: Sallie | October 21, 2003 at 04:23 PM
I'm gonna start sending my spam to you.
You have more fun with it than I do.
Posted by: Da Goddess | October 21, 2003 at 09:24 PM
Its all about communication, I guess. The spammers are just reaching out to fellow human beings. I see that now.
Posted by: Tina | October 21, 2003 at 10:08 PM
Mike, these are excellent and I feel your pain! We placed the first 6 on our site, and naturally, gave credit where credit is due! Thanks for putting a smile on our disgruntled, spam addled faces!
Posted by: do-you-haiku | March 19, 2004 at 02:04 PM